this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
