An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
