Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
