Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
