I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
