would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
