I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
