I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Threesome in a minivan. New low
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
