Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
