I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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