Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
