When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
