I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
