So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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