just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
