Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
