Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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