Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
