So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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