Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
