he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
