I met the friendliest cop last night
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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