I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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