He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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