she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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