your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
