based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
