I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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