I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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