I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
