I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
