You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
