it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
