I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
