So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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