Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Randomize
