i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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