I hate your face
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
