That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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