Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
