We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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