A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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