I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He kissed a someone with a penis
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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