I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
love makes seman taste better
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
