Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
