So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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