I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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