sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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