umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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