btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
