did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Welp...herpes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
