So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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