i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize