It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We just shotgunned beers for America
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize