Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
