Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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