I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
