let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
