Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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