I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
