Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
