I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
