I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
