If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
