Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
