don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
