i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
