I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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