I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
