My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
