I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
