yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
