I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
